Introversion, Imposter Syndrome, and Lack of Inspiration

I was riding an inspirational high after coming back from Bali. I had so many ideas for the blog and for new guides and courses I would create. I came back to LA with so much energy, I could barely sleep. I needed to write, design, create - I needed to get all of the overflowing inspirational energy out of my mind and onto paper (or laptop, as it were).

But it's been six weeks since coming home from Bali and the well has run dry.

Course Correction

After much consideration and soul searching, I decided to cancel my workshop on how to "Discover Your Life Purpose." Several of my close friends, the unwavering supporters that they are, signed up but others were traveling over this long weekend. Typically I would have been too, but I feel like I need a little break from travel since I just got back from Kauai.

Others simply weren't interested and that's 100% fair. As I tried to market the event on Facebook and Instagram, I had no clue what I was doing or who I should be targeting (what demographic or psychographic would be interested in such a workshop?) and so I pulled the ads.

I realized that while discovering my purpose was the pinnacle of my self-development over the last several years, many others may not be at that point yet. Or maybe I was trying to teach an advanced class without first walking people through the pre-requisites. Things like understanding the difference between ego and soul, defining your beliefs around life and death, gaining perspective on how relationships begin and the purpose they serve.

I was trying to take people from zero to sixty without having first taught them why they should drive in the first place.

So I decided to cancel the workshop both to save the hundreds of dollars it would cost to rent a classroom space and save my friends from having to spend four hours of their time in a workshop that they might've benefitted from but maybe didn't need.

Withdrawal

Since that decision, I've been stuck. It's almost as if the choice not to hold the workshop was a declaration to myself that I was throwing in the towel. But I'm not. I'm just taking a pause.

Somehow that pause reverberated through me as a closing down of sorts. It's almost like my mind has withdrawn into a dark but comfortable cave, happy to be way from the light of people's attention.

I consider myself an introvert (i.e., I restore my energy through alone time) but can show up as an extrovert given the right circumstances. Sharing on social media has been a challenge for me because of this. I have always loved sharing travel photos, especially when I get to look back on them and remember all the beautiful places I've been to. But sharing my thoughts and feelings has been a new experience.

I haven't been posting on Instagram because I don't know what to share. I am starting to wonder what it is that I have to share that hasn't already been shared already.

Logically I know that my unique perspective on timeless lessons around mindfulness, joy, and purpose may be valuable to some. However, right now it feels like I should just stay in the cave until I have something incredibly valuable to share.

Advice for "A Friend" (aka Me)

This lack of inspiration is disappointing. The feeling of extended introversion is confusing. If a friend came to me with this circumstance seeking advice, this is what I would say:

• This is perfectly normal. Our energy, our mind's cycle through inspiration, our introversion and extroversion is like all things in life: cyclical and seasonal. Nothing is every constant; everything is like a wave of energy with peaks and troughs.
• Troughs, although they have a negative connotation, serve a purpose. The lack of inspiration is an opening, a clearing, a space being made. New ideas cannot arrive in a crowded mind and sometimes we need to wipe the slate clean before a new idea can arrive.
• You don't have to be "out there" all the time. You don't have to post something clever or profound every single day. That's forced, not in the flow. Post when you feel called to, write when you feel called to, share when you feel called to. When you don't feel drawn to do those things, it's perfectly fine to stay silent.
• Enjoy the quiet and mental solitude. Use this as a time for learning and reflection. Read lots of books, spend time with your family doing nothing. Nap. When things get busy, you will miss these quiet moments.

These are the things that I would tell a friend if they came to me with this conundrum.

Compassion for Self

It's so easy to forget that we should be just as generous and thoughtful and compassionate towards ourselves as we are to our friends. I will try to remember this as I quietly move through this time of stillness and resetting.

If anyone reading this has been feeling the same way, I hope that this blog post helps you remember two things: 1) you're not alone, and 2) this is totally normal.