Solo Travel and The Gift of Temporary Selfishness

This post may benefit you if you:

• Are considering taking a trip on your own
• Aren't sure if you can do it
• Are wondering what, if any, benefits there are from traveling alone

Over the years, I've taken several solo trips and have learned so much from each one of them. While traveling with friends, family, and/or significant others brings its own joys and challenges; I thought I'd share what I learned from my first vacation alone.

Freedom from Expectations

With a background in project management, I'm pretty good at planning. When I first began traveling without my parents (either with friends or my boyfriend at the time), I was the person who did tons of research, bought the travel guides, created an itinerary, and had a very detailed schedule so that we'd be sure to get in all the major sights during the trip. Spreadsheets were my best friend when it came to travel, and I'm almost certain that my excessive planning annoyed the hell out of my travel companions.

As I prepared these detailed itineraries, I worked hard to ensure that everyone in the travel party got to see or do at least a couple things that were important to them. Some people want to visit museums and see famous art, others want to focus on food and plan the day around meals at highly recommended restaurants, and some prefer to be spontaneous and go with the flow. While I did my best to cater to my companions' preferences, it was almost impossible to make everyone happy.

When traveling alone, the only person you need to satisfy is yourself. If all you want to do is sit on a beach and read, guess what? You can do that every single day and no one will complain to you of boredom. If you want to visit the same museum three days in a row because you love the feeling you get when you walk around its galleries, you can do that, and no one will suggest that you visit a different museum on that third day.

There is an incredible feeling of freedom when traveling alone and I had no idea until I took my first vacation alone.

First Solo Trip: Kauai

While I had traveled alone for business trips before, my first real solo adventure was when I decided to go to Kauai for my 30th birthday in February. As I approached this milestone birthday and was trying to decide how to celebrate, I realized that big parties were not my style so I asked a couple of close friends if might be interested in joining me on a trip. For various reasons, no one was available to take time off of work.

Disappointed, I considered staying in town and doing a small celebration with good friends, dinner, and drinks, but it didn't feel quite right. When I realized  I didn't want to celebrate my birthday in LA, I started looking for places that I would feel comfortable traveling to on my own.

For various reasons, I believe that women traveling alone need to be more thoughtful as they plan their travel. While there are thousands of brave women that have ventured to places like Thailand, South America, and West Africa on their own, I wasn't that ambitious with my first trip. Since I was only able to take a week off from work, I needed to find a place that required less than 24 hours of travel to and from. I thought about Mexico, but with all the scary headlines of kidnappings and drug cartel violence, it didn't seem like a safe enough bet. I wanted to go somewhere that I would feel really safe because I knew that if my mind was occupied with concerns about my security, I wouldn't enjoy my vacation.

Hawaii seemed like the perfect solution. I had previously visited the islands of Oahu (twice), Maui (twice), and The Big Island (once), but had never been to Kauai. It checked the safety box, and while it was far enough away from home to feel like a real escape, it didn't require that I be able to speak a different language to get around. So I booked my flight and hotel and prepared for my trip.

 

Unscheduled

While I had done some research on the island's must-see sights and had a few items on my itinerary, the best part of the trip was not having a strict schedule. If I wanted to sleep in, I did. If I wanted to spend a couple of extra hours reading at the beach, I did.

I booked a couple of excursions (including my first ever skydive!), but I made sure not to schedule more than one major activity each day. Once in a while I'd consider changing my plans and found that I'd become so used to catering towards other people's needs, the idea of rescheduling caused me to anxiety even though no one else would be affected. When I realized that I could easily change my plans without upsetting anyone else, I felt an immense relief. This was my trip and I could do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted to.

 

Temporary Selfishness

You may be reading this and thinking that most of what I gained from this experience was the ability to be unashamedly selfish.

It's true.

But for people like me, people who either consciously or subconsciously put the needs of others before their own, selfishness is a gift. I'm not suggesting that we should all go around being selfish all the time because our society wouldn't be able to function that way. More importantly, our souls are not made of selfish energy, only pure love.

I am, however, suggesting that if you spend the majority of your time caring for and giving to others, it might be wise to create a little bit of space for selfishness once in a while and a solo trip is a great way to do this. You get to choose the place, you get to create (and change) your plans based on your needs or desires, and you don't need to worry about making sure anyone else is happy.

I also think that traveling alone is an excellent way to reconnect with yourself and listen to what your soul is telling you it needs (read more about this in my post on My First Silent Meditation Retreat). If you spend your life taking care of others and giving selflessly of your time and energy, it's equally important to show yourself that care and attention or you risk depleting the wellspring of your gift.

Other Solo Adventures

Since my amazing birthday week in Kauai seven years ago, I've taken several more trips on my own including a week volunteering at an elephant sanctuary in Chiang Mai, Thailand, a week in Fiji exploring the Mamanuca Islands, a long weekend in Sedona, and a week in Barcelona enjoying the city and attending silent meditation retreat. That's not to say that I only travel on my own. I still very much enjoy traveling with friends and loved ones but I've learned that traveling on my own from time to time helps me maintain a balance I now know that I need.

 

A Next Step

If you're considering a solo adventure but still aren't quite sure how to start, here are some suggestions:

• Learn more about solo travel from a number of wonderful blogs including The Blonde Abroad, Solo Traveler, and Women on the Road.
• Consider starting with a shorter trip (e.g., a long weekend / 3-4 days) instead of a 1-2 week trip.
• If even a short trip sounds daunting, then maybe spend an entire day exploring your own city alone (exploring new titles on Netflix on your couch doesn't count!). Start the day by treating yourself to breakfast, visit a museum you haven't been to yet, walk around a neighborhood that's new to you, and have an extra long lunch by the beach or a lake. You don't have to travel to another country to create time and space just for you.

I am personally looking forward to my next solo trip to Bali (although my sister may decide to join me which will make for a great time). In the meantime, I wish everyone safe travels and exciting adventures!