About Lotus Pathway: How I Began My Self-Discovery Journey

Uncertainty and the journey of self-discovery

I'm so excited to finally launch this blog! It took me a while to figure out what my passion in this world was, but now that I have (learn more in this post), it's all I can think about. Sharing stories, ideas, and lessons I've learned (or am learning) in hopes of providing a new perspective for others is something I have been doing with friends for a long time. When I decided to expand my sharing circle, I realized that this blog was the answer.

But you may be wondering about the tagline, "The journey of self-discovery and personal transformation." It sounds serious, right? But what the hell does it mean? For me, it means that every single day I am becoming a new version of myself. Every single thing that I am learning is another step towards self-discovery and every time I change my view of the world, I am transforming.

Unbecoming

For a really long time, I thought life was all about setting and achieving goals. I thought that there was some finish line that included a successful career, a perfect marriage, a house in the suburbs, a few beautiful children, etc. But this wasn't so much a conscious way of living but something I was doing on auto-pilot.  I was so busy working towards that finish line that I never stopped to think about whether I was the one who had created it.

When I finally started to think about it, my whole world changed. I realized that I didn't know what I wanted; I had just been pursuing someone else's goals. And over the last four years or so, I started learning as much as I could in the areas of spirituality, psychology, eastern philosophy, self-development, energy, and manifestation, all in an attempt to find answers. As I continued down this path, I found some answers but found even more questions.

There is No Finish Line

One of the biggest lessons that I learned in the early stages of my self-discovery and personal transformation journey is that there is no finish line. Even when we create one, we are likely to remain unsatisfied once it's reached. For example, let's say the finish line you're working towards is a promotion. Once you've done the work, made your case with your boss, negotiated your new responsibilities and the accompanying raise...boom! You've been promoted! Now what? The next promotion, right? If you were so focused on that first promotion and you achieved it, why would you stop there? You either accomplished that goal because you are an ambitious person and you're on a step ladder, not a step stool, and there are more rungs to climb; or, you thought that this promotion would finally give you the role/title/team/money/[fill in the blank] that would make you happy.

And yet that satisfaction is rarely achieved. We just want the next thing.

I'm not suggesting that we shouldn't set or try to accomplish goals. I am, however, suggesting that we acknowledge that goal achievement only provides temporary satisfaction. It is our nature as humans to always want more and that's not only okay, it's incredibly powerful and necessary. It's why we've achieved so much advancement in the areas of medicine, technology, and art. But because the world is always changing, so too will our desires and our goals.

Mine certainly are.

Falling in Love with Uncertainty

Through my journey of unbecoming all of the things I thought I was supposed to be and want, and through the realization that there is no ultimate finish line, I realized how much I actually love uncertainty.

Before you think I sound crazy, hear me out.

I have learned that wrapped in the gift paper of uncertainty come all of these things: adventure, excitement, new ideas, new places, surprising delights, and things I could never have imagined.

Whenever I chose not to set a goal for myself and instead just work hard and love what I was doing, amazing opportunities appeared that were even greater than the goals I might've thought to set for myself. I had subconsciously begun practicing this in my career about a decade ago. When I stopped trying to figure out what my next promotion or job should be, opportunities continued to show up without notice. Fantastic jobs with great companies and even better people. To be clear, I wasn't lazy in my work or in my networking and relationship building. I showed up, gave 100% every day, and I stayed connected with people who I admired. When they called to offer me a new opportunity, it was always better than whatever next thing I could've imagined on my own.

I've started practicing this love of uncertainty throughout my life. My background as a project manager (i.e. professional planner and risk manager) hasn't made this easy, but the best lessons never are, are they?

I stopped overly planning my vacations, limiting scheduled activities and leaving most of my time open to do whatever I was drawn to that day. I've begun leaving my evenings and weekends open as much as possible and when I have an amazing dinner with friends or a relaxing weekend trip, I laugh when I realize I couldn't have planned it better.

Transformation

The greatest lessons that I am learning through all of this are to practice being present and to listen to my intuition.

Being Present

So much has been written recently about the practice of mindfulness and being present. For me, the practice begins simply by just trying to get out of the stories that exist in my mind about the past and about the future. Analyzing what happened in the past is only useful if it provides new insights into the "why" and "how." It becomes useless, or worse, destructive when you begin to relive those stories. It's like disappearing into a movie where you know the ending and then watching it on repeat. That sounds like an obvious waste of time but I catch myself doing it all the time. And maybe you do too?

Being present for me also means that I am trying to stop imaging the future in too much detail. Although I no longer attach my ultimate happiness to goal achievement, I still have goals. However, when I envision the outcomes they are now vaguer in form and are based on a feeling that I want to get towards instead of an outcome. For example, when I imagined creating this blog I didn't know exactly how it would look or how it would work, but I knew it would happen. Most importantly, I imagined what it would feel like to write and share with this blog as the medium. When I start thinking about my next vacation, I have some ideas of what I want to do but I've stopped trying to fill in all the details. It's one of the reasons my recent trip to Barcelona was so amazing (more on that in a future post).

Intuition

I am also learning how to recognize my intuition or what I like to think of as my higher self. It's the voice inside my soul (not the one inside my head) that has a deep knowing of what I need to do and not do. Listening for it can be challenging at times, especially when I am busying myself with daily life. I'm learning to slow down, get quiet and listen. I'm also learning that I'm not always asking the right questions. If I can get out of my own way and just listen for what the universe is trying to communicate to me, I get answers I didn't even realize I was looking for. That practice is something I plan to expand as I continue on my journey.

Next Steps

While I've learned a lot recently, I still don't have anything figured out and I know I never will. I have no idea what lies on the path ahead of me but I am so excited every day for what might show up. As I continue to learn new ideas and ways of looking at the world, I look forward to sharing them with you here.

Thank you. 🙏